I woke up ready for the day because I’d got dyed hair and it was sunny and there was no going back now. One of the best things of putting yourself into tricky situations like performing is you can’t get out of it. By being in a mess, you’ve got to just get on with it, go beyond the love / hate / love / hate / love / hate / love / hate  stages of a process, and see where you are at the other end. To do that is to truly grow.

It’s funny dedicating a period of time to making and thinking about something can come full circle. This morning when Rachel and I pulled together thirty minutes of material to share, and a lot of my early thoughts are there. Thoughts that I’ve had that I want to take further are:

  • Traces of relationships, friendships, solitude and how the past exists in the present
  • The Nature of Longing. How it can be easier to long for a face, a person, an existence. How do you cope with longing for abstract things, unpromised things, unknown things? Like happiness, fulfilment, family. I can long for a loved one  and you can relate to that. What about those times when we’re looking out of windows, with the washing machine on, drinking tea, wondering how we got here and where we’re going. What are we longing for?
  • What is my place in the world?
The day was  brilliant. About 25 people came to the sharing, friends, people from the Arts Council, people from Salford University, people from The Lowry, people I’d worked with. Like Fergus said it was the right crowd to take risks with. That moment just before everyone came into the room, I poured cava and listened to Moon River Cha Cha Cha version. And I thought what a lucky position to be in, it’s a small step but it’s what I’ve wanted. A little over a year ago at Amy’s house we drew out big brainstorms of everything we wanted, when we felt very faraway from what we wanted. And inbetween the ‘do more yoga’ and ‘get a Chihuahua’ bits was a biro spider arm that lead to ‘make a show, do something you’re proud of, see if you can get funding?’. Then it happened.
The main feedback was it was intimate and vulnerable; that it was funny and sad. It was very positive. I now need time to let it settle, and reflect, as probably the audience do, before I can elicit a meaningful evaluation on the matter.
Now, to get on with real life (how do you do that again? A phone call to one of my oldest friends Emma this morning is a start, talk of summer dresses and weekends and sheds) until May 31 at Contact with Word of Warning. Come, I will perform some of this stuff, and new stuff then…
And a birthday card from Kerry Morrison who thought it was actually my thirtieth birthday (sorry and thank you!). A big thanks to everyone who has come along with me into this adventure into the unknown and to you for reading this blog.